then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.