where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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