dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
And the cops told us we were all naked.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
