Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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