you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
