just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
