Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
