If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
