Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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