I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
