I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
