Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
