wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize