oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
