We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
