At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
