I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
