Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize