So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
