Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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