I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
