Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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