:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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