Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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