I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
