you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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