Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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