4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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