It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
