I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
