there's paper in my vomit.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
