If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And then my night got REAL pukey
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
