I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
