Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
