I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
