I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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