If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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