if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
