bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
