Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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