Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's never too late to be topless.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
