Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
