and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
