Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
