people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
