i just had sex bonerless
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..