i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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