why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong