I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in