I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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