Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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