I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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