So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
