when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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