Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
