I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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