Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I need water and some morals
Randomize
