I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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