You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
