did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
