im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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