I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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