Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
