Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
