Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
