I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
