drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
