And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
